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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Justin Finch-Fletchley's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
1:03 pm
Tears are Proof of Life
"How long will the pain last?" a broken-hearted mourner asked me.
"All the rest of your life." I had to answer truthfully.

We never quite forget. Not matter how many years pass, we remember. The loss
of a loved on is like a major operation, part of us is removed and we have a
scar for the rest of our lives.

This does not mean that the pain continues at the same intensity. There is a
short while, at first, when we hardly believe it; it is rather like when we
have cut our hand, we see the blood flowing, but the pain is not there yet.
So when we are bereaved, there is a short while before the pain hits us. But
when it does, it is massive in its effect. Grief is shattering.

Then the wound begins to heal. It is like going through a dark tunnel.
Occasionally we glimpse a bit of light ahead, then lose sight of it for a
while, then see it again, and one day we emerge into the light. We are able
to see, the stitches are taken out, and we are whole again.

But not quite. The scar is still there, and the scar tissue too. As the
years go by, we manage. There are things to do, people to care for, tasks
that call for full attention. But the pain is still there, not far below the
surface. We see a face that looks familiar, hear a voice that has echoes, see
a photograph in someone's album, see a landscape that once we saw together,
and it is as though the knife were in the wound again.

But not so painfully. And mixed with joy too.

Because remembering a happy time is not all sorrow; it brings back happiness
with it.

As a matter of fact, we even seek such moments of bittersweet remembrance. We
have our religious memories services and our memorial days. And though these
bring back the pain, they bring back memories of joy as well.

How long will the pain last?

All the rest of your life. But the thing to remember is, the pain of grief is
the price we pay for love.

Author Unknown
Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
12:12 am
Speed, Strength and Anger
Justin led Rose unerringly through the upper corridors until he arrived at a spot seemingly nowhere in particular. Motioning for quiet he cocked his head, listening. Of course there were sound of battle coming from all quarters but it was below that he was particularly interested in. By his reckoning they were right above where the Ravenclaws had been shacked up. Fine learners the lot of them but when it came to getting dirty, well, he just reckoned it likely they could do with him more than the others (Though he did run a silent prayer in his head that Lavender was okay, and no Potter-ego was getting her killed right now).

Wipping out the wand he had taken from his first Death Eater kill (and there had been a couple of others since then, all over very quickly) he pointed it at the ground and barked the command words that Morgana had taught him. On cue a blue beam shot out of the tip (darker than usual though) and burnt right through the carpet and into the floorboards beneath. Speedily he drew a circle around himself and, with barely enough time to grin at Rose, it gave way beneath him and pitching him down a level far quicker than a trip to the stairs.

His first thought upon crashing into the floor amidst wood chips, plaster, broken chandalier and dust, was that he hoped to God that the arm clad in black sticking from under the wreckage was one of a cultist and not a poor student! The second thought was to wonder why he had just seen another cultist dashing past the doorway to the room he had landed in, panic visible on his face. This was solved a second later though when a large bull appeared in pursuit. Justin smiled, Ernie.

Beckoning up to Rose he turned around just in time to clothesline a black clad figure that was running towards him flailing wildly with an antique sword (amatuer), and it was only when he spun a full three-sixty before hitting the ground did Justin fully have chance to take stock of the situation, going into a practised crouch as he did so.

It was definitely the common room adjacent to the Ravenclaw bunk-rooms, and the noise he had heard upstairs did no justice to the mayhem he now saw around him. A fair few students seemed to have barricaded themselves in the corner behind (spell strengthened?) upturned furniture. In the corner opposite easily double their number of robed cultists crouched behind various magical shields and personal wards, some forgoing their own offence in order to shielding several of their compatriates instead. This was an attrition battle if ever Justin saw one.

Should be fun.

Vaulting wide-legged over the first spell that suddenly came his way Justin was forced into a lengthways dive to avoid a second following close behind it. Instead of leaping away though he used all the strength in his legs to propell himself forwards and directly over the greenish bolts. Whilst in the air he felt the bones in his fingertips lengthen and blend with his nails to form small, yet awfuly sharp, clawed tips which he made into fists as he tumbled straight into a forwards roll that took him under a third blast.

He came out of the roll just close enough to plunge both clawed hands straight through the magical shield of a startled looking cultist (which exploded in a shower of blue sparks) and, as Justin stood, lift him into the air and straight into an offensive caster. Slowly the Death Eater wands about him turned towards him, but Justin only gave a toothy (too toothy?) and feral grin as he spun around. Wrapping an arm around one ma-woman's neck as he twisted he tugged and flipped her into another man, before following through to backhand a third into a fourth. Two green bolts flew at him, but too slow to adjust for his fluid movements, and both of them blasted into the pile of man and woman that he had just created. Their screams of pain became the soundtrack to Justin's next blow clawing one of the two recent-casters in the throat, spraying the second's face with blood.

A spell of some decription hit him in the back, but made the mistake of not killing him (though breifly he wondered if he owed his Bear some hearty thanks), and that was the last mistake that cultist made as Justin wipped up a heavy mahogony chair with one hand and swept it overarm round and down onto his head. Even he had to wince at that one, because mahogony tended not to splinter.

Most of the spells flying now were headed into the Death Eaters, not out from them, as his deadly flurry had taken the heart out of their cadre in what was only really a matter of seconds. They never really had a chance to rally after that as the Ravenclaw's proficient spell placement was able to deal with the rest of them, much more handily now that they were no longer on the back foot.

Justin briefly considered the sword behind him, but discounted the idea as soon as it had entered his head. It just wasn't him. He was no tempered weapon, not this night, no fancy swordplay and finesse for him. This night he was just speed, strength and anger, and woe-betide anything else clad in black that got in his way.

Current Mood: Focused
Monday, June 28th, 2004
5:06 pm
2:30 - 3am
Cut for LengthCollapse )

After this the drain from Justin's Mark will have ceased. Where as this may not make all that much difference to their magical power it will do physicaly. I doubt that this is particularly enjoyable for them, so feel free to make up any reaction you wish for them.

Following this...'triage' Justin is back in the fight. No wand-play for this guy, physical all the way (slightly primal even), and he is looking to start seriously dishing out the hurt. Rose is staying with him (generally behind him!) and using his wand to join in the fight, though her eye injury remains mostly un-cured. As above feel free to mention this in any regard. If you need a guideline, just think Wolverine *grin*

Sunday, June 27th, 2004
10:32 am
"Right, now keep it down and just concentrate on being quiet yeah?" Justin watched the four lads nod. "Even if you see someone in trouble don't do a thing okay, cos that'll only get everybody hurt and i can't be everywhere at once." He made a serious face. "Now you know where you're going yeah? And don't forget, hold a cushion over the window before you smash it, muffle the noise. Now go, and good luck."

Justin slapped the nearest one on the shoulder and as a group they shuffled off, keeping to the walls and hunched down like he'd told them, and he smiled approvingly at their disspearing forms as he turned around and padded off the other way trying to ignore the funny urge he had to vomit. It was good, he thought, that they couldn't tell he was lying. He doubted he'd have any chance at all of helping them if they ran into trouble, not the way he was feeling right now. In fact even as he walked he nearly got his feet tangled up and was forced to stop for a minute, leaning against a pedstal by the corridor-side as he got his breath back.

It was only because of this pause that he heard the noise of other movement heading his way. Quickly he shuffled himself into the alcove, holding onto the plant-pot so that it didn't fall down. Sniffing the air proved a good tactic, that trait at least didn't seem diminshed, though he soon wished he hadn't. He knew that scent, knew it very well. Damndamndamn, now what.

Because Rose clearly wasn't alone.

This was exactly what he didn't want. Act now and that could be it for his Dad, his own Father. Don't act and it surely would be for Rose, someone he still cared about greatly no matter how much he tried to deny it. Shit. Well, family was family wasn't it? He only had one Dad, and things had long since ended with Rose. They barely even spoke now did they? Chances were after tonight, even if it had gone normally, they never would again anyway. Yeah, that made sense...sounded like logic.

So he was almost surpised when he brought down the plant-pot on the head of the man clutching her arm, causing him to fold up and crumpel to the floor.

Grinning weakly Justin went to make a wave but instead a wave of exertion came over him and he stumbled sideways into the wall, causing his sleeve to ruffle up.

And an unmistakeable glow revealed itself to Rose.

As Justin slowly realised where it was coming from a look of shock washed over Rose's face, quickly followed by horror and a swiftly delivered slap to Justin's face.

"What? No! Its okay, i can explain!" Was what he would have said if his head wasn't ringing a hundred bells and his vision duplicated. Instead all that got out was a feeble "Waaa..." before he was forced to lean back with his full wait against the pedastal, which dutifuly shifted its balance and tumbled into the alcove with a groggy Justin on top of it. The last thing he saw before hitting something hard (the floor, he guessed) was seeing a decidedly well man clad in black rise easily from the floor and slash his wand across Rose's face, like some sort of claw substitute.

"No..." It was a gasp more than a shout, and now more than ever Justin cursed this lethargy that blighted him. He was better than this. This shouldn't be happening to him damn it. This wasn't fair! As he struggled weakly to find his footing again (not easy when he still seemed to have four feet) he saw Rose, one hand clutched across he bloody cut that stretched mouth to eye, pull out a wand from somewhere and start to cast a spell. The cultist was too quick for her though, well, 'too quick' bottom line in fact, and knocked her wand aside with his own causing whatever bolt of force she was casting to go astray and spark into the ceiling instead of him. With his other hand he dealt he a small backhanded blow that caused her to nearly fall over backwards. He grinned as he saw the reaction, and flexed his fingers in what could only be satisfaction and pleasure.

This changed to a grimace as Justin kicked him in the knee with the flat of his foot It didn't matter how weak he was, or how strong the cultist, something like that always hurt!

Somewhere in the recesses of Justin's head a little voice noted 'decision made' but he didn't allow himself the time to dwell on it, and instead concentrated on pulling himself back to his feet.

This was going to hurt.

Current Mood: annoyed
12:36 am
Justin checked his watch again and tried to ignore the red glow coming from his forearm just above. It seems to his eyes that it had slowly been getting brighter over the last hour or so, as if its filament was just warming ever so gradually up. He could cope with that though, he'd been prepared for it to be honest and had brought a nice thick denim shirt to wear just in case this should happen. What he had been ready for was the terrible feeling of weariness that had come over him. It was because he wasn't sleeping, he could happily go through the odd night or two if need be, had done before even. But this was different, it was like something had actually drained him somehow, sapped the vigour that he usually felt.

He didn't need three guesses to figure out how it was happening.

Slowly and quietly, he got up and donned his shirt and jeans, carefuly checking around him to make sure none of the others he was sharing his small room with were wakened by his actions. He picked up his trainers but ended up putting them down again. He was quieter on bare feet, and felt better on them besides. If, well, when things kicked off tonight he wanted to be as ready as he could. His wand he tucker into his back pocket, though he doubted very much it would do him any real good. Besides, that had never been where his strength lay anyways.

But then what could he do anyway? If he fought back then what would happen to his Dad? Though he couldn't just idly sit by could he? Justin was pretty certain that if he wanted to he could just roll up his sleeve and walk out, but that would be just as equaly bad wouldn't it? Either way it was damning someone/s to an undeserved fate by either action or inaction.

Not that he hadn't thought this over a thousand times since Lav's vision. No, he would stick to the best plan he had so far. Wait for the sounds of something kicking off (because one never knew, nothing was ever 100%) and then just try to help people get out and (hopefuly) to safety. That wasn't being offensive and so his Dad should be okay, and nor was he just sitting back.

Damn, if only he didn't feel so...weak.
Sunday, June 20th, 2004
12:08 pm
Well Warded Owl to Lavender

Just to let you know i'm gonna be away for a few days with Seth. He needs a hand sorting out a problem, one that i'm better qualified than most others to help out with, so i'm tagging along to lend a hand. Should be nothing to worry about and i'll be back within a week no probs i should think (hopefuly in time for results!).

Keep things under your hat though. Round here the walls not only have ears, but also eyes, noses and powerful divination magic!

See you soon love.

Current Mood: Efficient
Sunday, June 13th, 2004
10:10 pm
They think its all over...
So, when do we get the results then? Before our day out?

And waddya reckon HEX, we fancy a swansong there or are we just going to chill?

When are we kicked out of here?

[Warded to Seth]
Seth, we still on?
Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
10:59 am
Crap (Private)
So planning against it is no good.

Pretty self explanatory. I shan't try hiding in the wardrobe then (not that i would anyway).

Odd start (hair?), and curious finish. A Dark Mark probably doesn't count as 'permanant ink' does it? And the hair thing...reference to my were-nature perhaps? So i could be not strong, but then strong again...or neither...or either...Fat lot of help there!

Madame Pomfrey's gonna get another assistant. Heh.

Well if we can't plan for it, and can't hide away, that only makes sense.


Well if planning boots nothing then i shan't bother. Just keep eyes and ears peeled. Thought about owling Walden...but then i can't trust anything he tells me back can i? Besides i'm not sure i want him to know even about this small bit of pre-warning. Because of...'us' (damn, i hate saying it like that) does that make me safer? Or am i just gonna be a pawn to be knocked over whenever suits. I mean i reckon i'm pretty handy but that doesn't mean that others do. But...what does a mark really do? Is it just to show allegiance? Can't be, because thats hardly a thing they have! Trouble is its not as if its owt i can look into without drawing attention. I should just be greatful these things aren't obvious...though it will be at The Time won't it...note to self, long sleeves at all times. Further note, keep an eyes out for others doing the same.

I at least hope they let us finish the exams first, else that'd be a pisser.

Further thought, why are those other Radans still here? Its exam time and Izzy clearly ain't here. Me, i'd be off looking for her, following up leads, not wombling around distracting people. Plus, given the timing of things, they go up near the top of my Untrustworthy list. I mean what are they actually doing here now? Bet they've got a thing for the girly students. Thats seems to be a theme with older males here.

Oh, and its the change again tomorrow. Typical, right in exam week. Luckily the days are long are nights are short else i'd be fucked for the morning exams. Still might be really. Way to go furry side, way to go...

Current Mood: irritated
Monday, June 7th, 2004
8:50 pm
Hours of Fun...Not
Still, cheers Mills, couldn't have done it without you.

Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
2:21 pm
I Should Have Watched It
Yes. I admit that now. Why didn't i? Was it pride? ("Hmph, i should be playing, not them"). Stubborness? ("If i can't be in it then i refuse to get any enjoyment from it"). Bloody minded Stupidity ("Erm...i'm bloody minded and stupid i am...?").

Instead i sat in the 3B's drinking and thinking about bloody furniture catalogues of all things. Or at least trying to. Honestly, what was i gonna accomplish there? Hardly gonna get drunk, no matter how much i felt like doing so. In doing so i missed out on seeing my friends play for something that really meant a lot to them. I wasn't there for them, supporting them. I was busy wallowing in stuff i should have gotten over by now. It wasn't big and it wasn't clever. Plus it meant i then had to earwig people's conversations to find out how the game went (i thought the absence of Mr Zabby would mean that the Slyth beater's would be playing a little deeper than usual, thus allowing a greater than usual number of chances for the Raven attackers, and i was right. Its all down to confidence and trust you see. The replacement keeper may have been as good a shot stopper but the fact is Blaise is the one the team have been playing with all season, and theres no substituting for confidence in having a known quantity at the final stop. But enough about that...).

Oh well, too bad, so sad and all that. My own silly fault. No more quidditch now (unless there's some sort of crazy end of term pupils vs teachers kinda thing!) for me. I've got a big house that doesn't dust itself so its not as if my stick won't get any more use.

Thats a point, still need to sort out some wardings for my 'moon room'. That and the pool should have a brand new filter sorted. Oh, and i need to sort out some sort of ground maintennance. Phone , modem and Sky connections. New Gas/Leccy suppliers. Etc Etc.

Then there's still these exams to get done. And after i've worked so hard of late as well. I so swear i had better at least pass them all or...

Oh yes, and sort out with work for afterwards as well. That'll be my apprenticeship done (well, there anyway) and its fingers crossed they still want me.


When did i go and grow up?

Current Mood: sad
Thursday, May 27th, 2004
10:55 am
Bored of Studying Now
don't worry, i'm not about to set my hair on fire and run off inot the night or anything but By God this stuff melts your head! I swear i've tried putting so much in there now that anything new i put in squeezes out something old. I leave with the constant fear now that one more charm is going to leave me unable to drive.

Plus i think its driving me loopy as well. Every time i think i've done a new page of notes, or finished some old mock exam, i look back over what i've written to find doodles of floorplans, or bizarre shopping lists that includes things like 'New Socket x 2, Extension (3M)'.

Think i'm gonna be welcoming my change in June. Last thing i need to bother about in that form is study. Hell, i doubt i can even hold a pen. Probably just eat it.

Wonder what pen tastes like.

Probably chicken.

Hang on, whats a chicken?

Aaaahhh! Stupid charms!!!!!

Current Mood: bored
Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
8:11 pm
Thats finally the last of all the removals done. Stuff that came with the place but i didn't want offloaded, and stuff from Chelsea that i did want all brought up. Actually, its not the sorting of all that which takes the time, that was all pretty easy actually. Its getting everything where you want it that does. This new place seemed like a good idea at the time...but so many rooms when you're populating them!

Still feels wierd there though, not at all homey yet. Suppose that'll take time though.

So what have i missed then? I know i've been around and all but i've also been busy elsewhere at the same time, if that makes any sense? Well, not all the time, you okay after kendo Seth? I don't mean today's though, i mean the full moon one, i know i can get a little...intense around then.

Petey, hows tricks? Izzy? May (Queen)?

Hey, Lav, you might wanna start thinking about what things you want in the new place for after term. You too May (Queen).

Need to figure out some way of getting a secure room for me as well, so that i can be all safely locked up.
Monday, May 3rd, 2004
12:23 pm
I didn't think about this. Everything is quick from my end cos i'm just buying, and straight out too. No selling to have to worry about, no finalisation of mortgages or owt.

But i didn't think that the person i'm buying from might be in similar circumstance! But now i think about it, of course! No one sells a place like that and then has to worry about mortgages or where to go next. I bet they've found somewhere and just got it straight off like i have...or they already even had a second property perhaps...

Oh well, but fact is i've got to go into to Nottingham today and pick up the keys! If only i'd known yesterday i could have gone after work (d'oh!) but, oh well, i should be chuffed they're opening today just for me...its amazing what a few quid can do for you hmmm?

So...well...yes, i'll be down in Notts. Owl me if you need me. Will likely stay the night there, it being bank holiday tomorrow, cos i wanna take an inventory of things and jot out plans now that its mine (didn't dare curse things by doing that before hand).

Plus it should be a nice little break from...things.

See y'all soon.

Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
8:54 pm
I just saw me, walking around, head held pretty low. When i tried to speak to it...to me, it just ignored me and sat in the corner. Then it just sort of stayed there, even when i poked him/me/it. When i turned my back on it the thing vanished. I looked...different. A little older, a little more worn looking.

Monday, April 26th, 2004
6:24 pm
What a way to go.

Nice omen isn't it?

Another shedload of goals but for what? People aren't wrong when they question the logic of the points system. 10 players may as well just go off and have a cup of tea whilst the seekers play for the real game. Yes, i know sometimes the game is won on goals, i know only too well, i managed to have a hand in doing so last year (the last time i can remember it happening). But thats all fairly meaningless isn't it? There's only one cup, and i've never won it. And now i never will. Any cup. Its now an impossibility.

Is there a lesson there? If you don't try you can't fail? Probably something like that.

No, before you say it i'm not really bitter. I harbour no grudge against Slytherin. They have always played a good game, and i've always liked seeing them play. As far as rivals go they've probably been my favourite out of the houses. They won, we didn't, no complaints re the playing.

Its just...its just...

Damn, i just bloody wanted to win something for once! And this was my last ever chance for my favourite sport outisde of Football. My last ever chance. If this were a film, or a book, or something like that it would have had the fairy tale ending. But no, real life sucks, and the fairy's ran off with my wallet. Not even a final either, but the crushing annonimity of a semi final (especially unremarkable given that there's only 4 teams). Especially after everything of late i really wanted to get something out of this, so badly! I didn't say anything. Just went about my business. Didn't want to buld things up, get my hopes up etc. Just as well. Cos i got nothing. No reason to leave the library for the victory celebrations. No chance at my final final. No name on a cup. No memory for anyone else to hold dear. In a years time who's gonna care about my goals record? No one.

I hope i don't either. I really do.

Raddy, you got a book called Fever Pitch tucked away at all? I'll probs be in the Library again tonight if thats okay.

Oh, Lav, May, i've finally heard back from the land registry people as well as the Water Co. Everything is fine and valued as it should be, oh, and the searches done as well. I've got no contract stage to wait through as i'm buying not mortgaging, so i reckon about a fortnight but then the place will be ours.

Current Mood: disappointed
Saturday, April 24th, 2004
5:19 pm

Lets go do this.

Victory or violence (both if we're lucky).

Current Mood: determined
Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
7:32 pm
A Lesson to be Learnt
I wasn't going to say anything about this. Anything at all. Just...accept it, deal with it, assimilate it and carry on. But its not proving as easy as all that is it? You know, you can see me, hear me, talk to me. There's something up, can't hide stuff like that from friends, from people that know me, from people that care.

Mostly people have followed my request and not asked about what went on, and those that have vaguely danced around have only done so to give me the chance to 'open up'. I haven't. I've stayed true to my word and not said a word.

But now its time to change that.

Take from this one of the most important lessons any of you will learn during your time here. Magic is not just some toy to use. Its not just some fun tool that gives you an advantage. Its also very very dangerous, perhaps more dangerous than anything else mankind has come up with. A bullet kills, but a careless spell can fuck someone royally for the rest of their life in ways that a far worse than simple death.

What HappenedCollapse )
That was my cost for the magic of that night in the CCR. Now you know. Now you all know.

Learn from this.


Current Mood: blank
Monday, April 19th, 2004
9:11 pm
Reply Owl to Walden MacNair
Yeah, so sorry i didn't tell you i'd been possessed by the spirit of my dead mum. Can't imagine what made me forget to fill you in. Still, all better now.

Hope you had a nice easter too.

Sunday, April 18th, 2004
10:55 pm
Home Again Home Again...
...jiggety jig.

Me from work yesterday and...other faces...today. Nice to see some of them back too, well, hear about them being back anyway. Means more study again i suppose now Hermy is back (*wave*) but charms...well, she's a resourceful girl. Good luck to you matey, wherever you are.

Whenever you are.

(Oh, and sorry i couldn't get folks to carry on with the charms lesson. Probs a bunch of ancestors who know it all anyway.)

Still no words how or what or why about that. Seems anyone's guess is as good as any other. Heard enough rumours now...but no one knows, well, outside of teacher sorts i'd think, and they (kinda understandably) ain't saying. Probably for the best, ain't sure i want to hear it to be honest. I doubt i'll like it.

Work at least is...good. Its good. Its not Dawson's Creek with a wand and a time machine. It dependable. Its reliable. You know where you are. Just you and the woods. Well, and Brock (who is currently going through the semi-finals again, praying that England get through. Daft bloody brush. Stills, knows his stuff though).

Quiditch Quiditch Quiditch. This'll be the last time i ever play if i loose. Not a good way to go out. Be nice to win something, for a change.

By the way Raddy, High Fidelity wasn't bad but it was a bit of an 'easy read'. All done and dusted in an evening. Something meatier defs required.

Current Mood: apathetic
Saturday, April 17th, 2004
10:09 am
Owl to Ernie
Right, if you're gonna keep this up then you need to get a lot better. Luckily for you Ernie didn't have a massive social calender for you to have to slip into, but one thing he wasn't was rubbish at quidditch. You've obviously had a quick study and practice of things because your grip and stance on the broom are fine, but you're swinging too stiff, a sure sign to me of someone who hasn't been doing this for years.

I don't want to lose this match.

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